Uncool

20 mo. old babies with watery, watery diarrhea that gets all over their clothes over and over and over in the same day. That's uncool.

Uncool

This is where I should be tonight....but alas, I am not.

Me again

It's me again. I'm the uncool one....again. I love Facebook. I really do. I totally enjoy stalking my friends and looking at pics and all the funny, witty things people write on walls, status updates...all that. But I guess I'm not that cool 'cause I'm really not into being poked, cyber-hugged, planting little green things and such. I really don't wanna take any quizzes either. I'm a slightly anal minimalist, and I don't like all the clutter that clogs up my page whenever I do stuff like that. The quizzes are funny and all, it's just that I already feel guilty spending so much time on the world wide web keeping tabs on everyone and reading blogs. In fact, I've already violated my rule of never spending more than 10 minutes making a blog post.

Also, if I'm not friends with someone in real life, I'm really not interested in being Facebook friends. Or, if I've met someone one time and know that there's no chance I'll ever be meeting them again, I kinda don't think it's necessary for them to send a friend request. And if I've never met them at all, no chance. Just don't wanna...

So, if I ignore your group or your event, candy gram or whatev, please don't be offended. I totally love you and am glad we are real life AND internet friends.

Argh

I still can't find my lost scarf mentioned here. It truly is part of my winter uniform and now that there's snow on the ground, I miss it dearly. Not only is it comfy with a cute pattern and the right colors for everything, it is precious to me as it's a gift from Luchessie. I think I may have left it at Lisa V.'s house after one of our lady dates. Hmm. Maybe I left it in Las Vegas at my rents. Maybe I left it at your house? Anyone seen it?

Me

It's me. I'm the uncool one. I just can't get with the trendy clothes today. I'm old. I'm stuck in the 90's. Every day I have one of three styles: slightly skater, slightly hippie, or very SAHM. I can't branch out. I reject the 80's revival. Some people look great in skinny jeans, some people can pull off the Wham/Duran Duran/Go-Go's retro look. I'm just not one of them. Here is a photo of a devoted Neon Trees fan. I just can't get over her get-up. I guess I'm uncool.

It's Off

Tonights Killers/Neon Trees show in San Francisco has been cancelled. The word is that they may reschedule for Dec. and it will be back on.

Oct. 11, 1996

Shaken awake out of a deep slumber
Eyes open to an old world made new
Poised to plunge now
Into life's rich colors
To lick up life's sweet pearls as dew

Sometimes we fall into the error
Of closing our eyes to friends
Of closing our hearts to precious help
Which their arm readily extends

Sometimes we become the source of
numbing sorrow, stinging pain
To the ones who are most precious
But in all of our wretched self-centeredness
We continue to inflict this torture
Perhaps in ignorance
Perhaps with ill intent

But this hardness we have perpetuated
Forcing all to down bitter pills
In the end will only fall back
Into our own belly to the brim to fill

Hard words crowded into my mind
Then spewed out my mouth
Spilled into the air
And stabbed out her heart

Desolate love only managed then
To grace this skeletal soul
From a once brimming cup
of passion and care
From the one, my only lighted abode

Forthwith then she left me
To my own black hearted affairs
To work my poison devices
To drink this black souled despair

Yet in her hasty leaving
My stained mind sat in blink
And raged and raged against itself
Against its fetid stink

I'm facing up now to the reflection
Cast by my shadowy soul
This grim dissatisfaction now seized
With a new determined fledgling hope - T.R.A. 1996

Baby Girl

Why do our babies have to grow up? Lately Katie has been acting too grown up for me. Soon she'll be more mature than me and we can't have that. She's bored with the work in kindergarten. It's too easy she says. Instead of Cinderella, she wants to watch Everafter. Instead of Beauty & The Beast, she wants to watch Enchanted. Instead of Cars, she wants Days of Thunder (just kidding...I just threw that in there...could have been Splash instead of Little Mermaid).

Recently when I asked why she didn't have fun at a friends house, she replied, "Mom, people change. We just don't want to play the same thing anymore."

And this is how she tells me she's ready for breakfast, "I would like a sunny side up egg, runny please. With some salt and wheat toast with a little bit of butter, thank you."

At Disneyland this summer, I was devastated when she didn't want to wear her big poofy Snow White dress-up like she did last year. I guess it's not that cool anymore. It truly broke my princess mommy heart. Gulp.

She doesn't even look like a 5 & 1/2 year old. I think I'll start doing her hair in pig tails.

The Beatles are the best....EVER!

Branden and Emilie agree that people who don't think The Beatles rule, are uncool. We agree with the following:

"I work on the principle that it's not possible to take anyone's views on music seriously if they don't like the Beatles. Everything else is a question of personal taste and therefore debatable. But if you don't recognize the Beatles as the twentieth century's most inventive, most influential and most talented composers, you're pretty much admitting that you've rather missed the point of the last hundred years of musical endeavour. Should you fall into that category, I do not condemn neither do I mock. I merely despair and, having despaired, I move on."
...Mark Bastable

Bailout shmailout

I'm so happy I don't have TV. I can't even get the news and I'm glad. I have enough stress in my life right now without hearing about all the disasters happening...financially and otherwise. Some one tell me why this can't be a reality....
[and I did not write this myself...just something someone sent me]

Here is an interesting approach. Is my math correct?

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a "We Deserve It Dividend".

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bona-fide US Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a "We Deserve It Dividend". Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

* Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.

* Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads

* Put away money for college - it'll be there

* Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

* Buy a new car - create jobs

* Invest in the market - capital drives growth

* Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves

* Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult US Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it . . . instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( "vote buy" ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult US Citizen 18+!!!!

As for AIG -

* Liquidate it.

* Sell off its parts.

* Let American General go back to being American General.

* Sell off the real estate.

* Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.

Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 billion We deserve the "We Deserve It Dividend" more than the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.

And remember, The Family plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5 billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh . . . I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Cancer

Cancer is really uncool. I feel so grateful that it hasn't stricken my parents or my immediate family. We are so blessed. But I'm sick of it hitting everyone else and therefore spoiling the happy lives and times of those that I love.

Photo woes...

Oh Internet, I just have to get something off my chest. It's no secret that I've been desperately trying to book more jobs lately. Mainly weddings, since I do live in the wedding capitol of the world and it is the most efficient use of my shooting time. Well, I've never before had to try and land wedding gigs. They've always just fallen into my lap and I was as busy as I wanted to be. But lately, now that I actually need to have an income, there are no weddings for me. And I know why. It's not just because I'm a mediocre photographer. It's because everyone and their uncle who has ever bought a decent SLR digital camera at Costco is now a professional photographer. Five years ago there was a handful of great wedding photographers in this area. I knew or had heard of most of them. We were shooting film, we HAD to know what we were doing! We had to get it right in camera...film was a serious investment. Now, there are HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of wedding photographers around here. Some of them are just plain awful. And some of them are incredible. Some of the incredible ones never even got a degree in photography like yours truly, and that really depresses me. I've been blog-stalking a lot of them lately and it just makes me want to put down my camera forever. It's just so depressing. John Telford was right: Inexpensive, quality digital cameras are the death of serious photography.

Bad Daddy

The other day (week) when Bdog was home, we were in the front yard playing with Katie and all of her bikes. She has one that is WAY too small for her but she refuses to give it up. Branden decided he was going to be funny and try to ride it. Again, it is WAY too small for tiny, petite ms. Katie. I warned him not to put his weight on the piece of crap, but of course, he ignored my wisdom. He put his full weight on the pedals and every spoke of the front wheel went shattering into millions of pieces. Luckily, Katie's meltdowns are few and far between so we were able to talk her out of really being upset over it. He's lucky he didn't shatter her little-scared-of-the-big-bike heart. Dad's just don't listen.

Not yet...

Something very uncool has happened over the last few weeks. I've found and pulled out of my head about 40 gray hairs. I know all you dark headed women are saying, "Cry me a river." And it's not the confirmation of being old that bugs me. I accept that. It's just that having blond hair made me think that somehow gray hairs wouldn't show up so much. These buddies weren't just ultra-light, been at the beach all summer blond ones. They are full-on WHITE! Completely devoid of pigment. And I refuse to start the arduous task of coloring or highlighting. I'll just pluck them. Good thing I have hair to spare.

For real??

While we were in CA this summer, Bdog, Katie and I were all FLABBERGASTED at the amount of blatant-out-the-window-on-the-freeway-in-broad-daylight littering that was going on. I seriously could not believe my eyes. I saw people totally nonchalantly throw cups, papers, wrappers, whatev right out the car window. I thought "Californians seriously have environmental issues!!" Then today, home in UT, we saw the same thing. A cup, purposely dropped out the window onto the street. I just cannot believe people. What are their problems? And don't even get me started on the road rage.

Qwest

Qwest is the Devil. They make 'mistakes' on purpose just to make more money. Who would have thought I would come back from the wilderness and no internet access, only to have no internet access. And who would have thought it would take 11 days for a company to fix their mistake and get you hooked back up.

75 S

I am still SICK SICK SICK over what the people who bought our old house did do it.


They took it from this....



TO THIS!!! Wth?

Bat holes

Here is our most amazing story to date from our little CA paradise. The first day we got there, I noticed quite a bit of rodent droppings on the front porch. I didn't think that was weird since we are out in the "country" with vineyards and orchards and no one had been living in the house for a couple months. So, the next morning I decided to spray off the porch and get things cleaned up a bit.

Next morning, more poo. Lots of it. I had to figure out where it was coming from. I noticed that some of it was actually stuck to the wall, above the window where the walls meet the eaves. So, I began spraying up there. There's about a 1/4 in. opening between the walls and the eaves, so I sprayed some water in there too.

All of the sudden, big, long, furry legs start creeping out of the 1/4 in. crack. I thought they were tarantulas. But then, they started making an unearthly noise and flying toward my head. THEY WERE BATS!!!! I can't even explain the panic that came through me. I dropped the hose, went booking it around to the other side of the house, all the while screaming horrible expletives, and found Branden. I literally ran to him, pulled on his Tshirt and stuck my head under it. While he's wearing it. I totally lost my marbles.

He took me inside then he and Katie went on the porch and enjoyed the site of tons of bats flying out going nuts. They loved it. Meanwhile, I was LITERALLY hyper-ventilating in the house and having a full-on panic attack. I would not come out of the house for a good 3 hours and just couldn't calm down. I even actually said, "If there's alcohol in this house, I'm having some."

Well, the bats didn't come back. I think we destroyed their home for good. The best part of all is when Branden talked to Phil (his cousin's husband...they own the house) he told him, "Dude, you've got a bat infestation." And Phil replied, "Oh! You met the bats! We love them so much. Every night we sit on the grass at dusk and watch them come out. It's our nightly ritual."

Bano-no Boat

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a total psycho about sun protection. I've been called 'the sunscreen nazi' on numerous occasions. Yesterday I decided to give Banana Boat baby sunscreen a try since it's supposed to be 'as gentle to your eyes as water'. Well, my eyes felt fine while I swam in the ocean, no sunscreen sting....but the sun protection is total CRAP! I totally got burned. And so did my daughter and my little brother. We reapplied 3 times in the course of a couple hours, and we all got fried. And I've heard now from 2 other people that the same thing happened to them using Banana Boat. What the freak. We're totally taking it back.

Top Ten

Here are the top 10 uncool things from the last couple weeks:

10. Psycho drivers that almost kill you, then give you the bird out their window.
9. Realtors who leave houses unlocked when they leave.
8. Giant spiders that look like scorpions and tarantulas mixed.
7. Lost binkies at the beach when it's nap time.
6. Gas prices.
5. Waking up ready to pick incredible, ripe plums only to find them blown all over the ground and eaten by critters.
4. Neighbor's dogs who bark all night incessantly.
3. Slipping on the wet, tile bathroom floor while trying to save your baby who just slipped on said bathroom floor only to fall into him and kick him 5 more feet across the wet bathroom floor and watch him hit the wall.
2. Bruises on your hand, bum and ribs from wet bathroom floor fiasco.
1. Not having INTERNET ACCESS! Thought I might love it, but can't live without it. It's just not the same as no T.V. or phone. Not having those is lovely.

Time

I haven't had time to post in over a week. Totally uncool. Gotta get back in the car now.

Today

The vacuum broke.

There's a 12 in. crack in my windshield.

Someone's photo order was royally messed up/slowed down.

I need a Nikon flash before Sunday.

I have a busy day hangover.

Broke a glass.

Got a cold sore.

Got some overdue bills.

....On a good note...I found my missing box of 250 business cards. Didn't want to lose those lovely, letter-pressed little works of art. But then again...on a bad note...I was thinkin' about cancelling the land-line and just using the cell (that's one of the said overdue bills), but I realized the land-line is printed on the 250 lovely, letter-pressed little works of art. What's a gal to do?

More Lame Moms

Yesterday we went swimming at our little clubhouse pool. There was a grandpa there that lives in our gate, with his 8 grand kids. Sometimes, all these grand kids can get really annoying...like last night when I saw a 9 yr. oldish girl TOTALLY blow her nose into the pool....but that's not what I'm writing about today.

One of the grand kids at the pool was a little fairy princess aged girl. I'd say she was about 3. Probably a year or so younger than Katie. She had on a too-big swim suit which showed tons of her skin and I could see her MASSIVE racer-back swimsuit shaped SUNBURN. From her shoulders to her neck, I could see grey & brown peeling skin exposing that bright red tender flesh underneath. The peeling areas were DEEP and her skin was still bright red along her arms and legs. All I want to know was, HOW DID HER MOTHER LET THAT HAPPEN? When she got burned, she was clearly in a swimsuit which means she was in a swimming situation. Where was the sunscreen? This little girl was fair with white-blond hair. I seriously felt a wave of nausea come over me when I saw her burns close-up. Could that be considered abuse/neglect? Maybe the dad was in charge when that happened.

Phone

"No phone, no phone. I just want to be alone today. No phone, no phone."

Here is something that really bothers me: awkward phone conversations. I've found that there are usually two reasons I think a phone conversation is awkward.

1) People call me all the time and unsuccessfully try to shoot the breeze with me when really they're calling for a specific reason. Usually a favor, and that's fine. I have no issues with a call starting with "Hey, hi..how's it going? So, I totally need a favor." For those of you who do that, I applaud you.

2) Some people are just awkward on the phone, thus, an awkward phone conversation ensues. I recently talked in length about this very phenomenon with JUSTIN. We talked about this for a very long time and I was pleased with how long the conversation flowed and how it remained interesting. This was a good example of a non-awkward phone conversation. I love chit-chatting on the phone when time allows, and not all phone calls need a reason, but sometimes people are just bad at the chit-chat and should simply take care of business.

K. Talk to you later. Bye.

Rad Email

Though this is a totally awesome email, I'm putting it on "The UnCool" since the subject line said "What's not cool". It's from the lovely Alycia P.

"Woman,What is not cool is the fact that it is the 10th and you have not blogged since the 4th- get the lead out- I need a laugh!"

I love it.

They

It is totally uncool that "they" don't make the following items anymore:

1. Jello Pudding Pops
2. Almay Gel Mascara
3. Carnation Breakfast Bars
4. Lip Lickers (in the tin)
5. Clorox Fresh Fabric Spray
6. Lenito's Rolled Tacos
7. Vegas Chips
8. New Arrested Development Episodes

....hmm...what else have I missed??

No News

All the Neon Trees news info I posted was wrong. That's lame. Sorry, Internet. And thanks for the inaccurate info, TYLER!

www.lame.com

Oh Internet, what is your problem? Every time I sit down to get online, I have to unplug and replug the modem multiple times until I get all the right flashing green lights. Get a life, Internet!

When will it end?

Here are a few highlights from the last 24 hrs:

-Changing the sheets twice because of projectile vomit.
-Returning home to find a completely destroyed, moldy dresser as a result of a leaky humidifier.
-Killing a 2 inch brown spider on my bedroom ceiling.
-Baby boy sleeping, at max, 1.5 hrs. at a time.
-Finding a flood underneath the bathroom sink...yet another leak.
-Contracting said baby boy's diarrhea.

Too much fun for one mom.

Heading Out

Now I'm going to drive 6 hours alone with my kids. And baby has a stomach virus with major vomiting and diarrhea. So much fun.

UnCool

Leaving my boyfriend and leaving sunny CA.

Jiffy Goob

I just went to get an oil change in my car so I could make the trek to CA to see Bdog today. The boy at the Jiffy Lube in Highland was super lame. He literally tried to talk me out of dropping my car off 'cause there was a 30 min. wait. I assured him it was fine because I had some errands to run across the street and had the time. So, he further tried to discourage me by saying I'd probably be back before they even got to my car (there was only one car ahead of me b.t.w.). I couldn't understand why he totally wanted me to leave. It was rude and frustrating since I had to have it done TODAY. So I left it there, and it was ready when I got back. Do they not want customers so they can hang out and play video games or something? So uncool.

Sad & Lonely

Here are the mates to all the earrings I've lost in just the last few months. I don't know why I have such bad earring Karma. It's very depressing. I love and miss them dearly.

The Red Pony

I picked this book up last month while I was shopping for used fabric at D.I. It was only $0.25. I'm not sure why I felt like reading it, just thought I'd further explore fiction after my Twilight stint. I know John Steinbeck is like, one of America's great authors, but this book just sucked donkeys. I guess I can say it was well written, but the plot just made me wish I had spent those two hours watching American Idol...something I've NEVER watched in my life.

Not only was I waiting the whole time for some poignant, climactic moment, but I didn't even realize when the book had ENDED!! The story moved on to the dead horse and some lemonade, which I was SURE could not have been the ending. So, I kept reading. Right into Junius Maltby which was included after The Red Pony. I didn't even realize it was an entirely new story. Which by the way, was equally dismal and infuriating. OMG! Has anyone read Junius Maltby??? Perhaps it was because I had just recently re-read Siddhartha and Into the Wild for the umpteenth time, but I really needed a happy ending. Though after Junius, I felt so pleased that my husband is pursuing his career in music. Despite the sacrifice.

More poop complaints...

On Tuesday night, our family visited two very holy places....Temple Square and Bombay House. While at Bombay, I had to use the changing table in the ladies room to change baby Connor's diaper. For some reason, the changing table was installed DIRECTLY above the big toilet in the large stall. This meant I had to completely straddle the toilet to reach my baby and change him. Oddly, the big tile wall on the north side of this stall is totally bare. Nothing on it, and nothing in front of it. A perfect place for a changing station. My pant legs were touching the yukky part of the loo all the while. I'm still so baffled and so grossed out.

Uncool

Baby poop on your clean sheets.

Wallpaper

Here's what was on our kitchen walls when we moved in. Taking this down was both the most enjoyable and miserable experience. To see our kitchen walls now, click HERE.

Lame moms

The rule at preschool drop-off is this: You are to walk your child up the drive, down the path and around to the back, where you are to take them through the door and deliver them to the teacher. This rule was explained to each parent on the first day of school and sent home on the page of written rules. Yet, every day I see at least 2 moms kicking their kid at the curb and sending them in alone. I know this isn't the biggest deal, but it really, really bugs me. And I'm totally judging those moms now.

Bummed

I just found out my favorite lotion in the whole wide world, Aveeno Daily Firming Moisturizer, has BHT in it. BHT!! Why on earth???

Lame linguists

Every year a team of linguists chooses new words to admit into the dictionary. These didn't make it. So uncool.....Crench and phib are my phavorite, 'cause I do them a lot.

sampleton-the person in the picture that comes with a wallet
fruttle-clown feces
ploof-to lose a contact lens in a urinal
crench-to lean against the sink and get your crotch wet
phib-to claim you're awake when someboby calls, even though you've been sleeping
deodritus-the last remaining flakes of deodorant scraped onto your armpit
leonamania-a morbid obsession with Ponce de Leon
pleln-the area between your arm and front yard

Iceberg

On the way home from the movies Thursday, we made one of the biggest mistakes of our lives. We stopped at the Iceberg off the Thanksgiving Point exit. We only ordered something small, which they got wrong, and it was totally grody. But besides the yuck food, the place was the dirtiest dump we've ever seen. The tables literally had a film of grease on them. I tried to wipe ours off, and the napkin turned black. The weirdest thing was, there were TONS of people there. They must have all been first-time customers. No normal person would ever go twice, would they?