Saturday, December 26, 2009

Auld Lang Syne

Only 28 more hours left of the year that:

Epilepsy entered our lives

We were both basically unemployed

Baby Connor had 3 hospital stays

Dear friends forgot who they really are and what is most important

A long anticipated "release date" was pushed to next year

Credit scores were seriously damaged

We became experts on the Ketogenic Diet and clustered tonic spasms

Friends' marriages and hearts were broken

20 lbs were gained

The power, phone and internet were turned off numerous times

The return of the Jello Pudding Pop was a horrible disappointment

Goodbye and good riddance, 2009.
I will not look back on you fondly.

Saturday, December 5, 2009


I don't know if there's any sound in this whole world worse than the sound of dental floss coming out of the container/package. It makes we weak in the knees and nauseated. Which happened last night, and I have a really bad cold so the chills the sound gave me literally HURT. It was PAINFUL. And I'm sore. Because of dental floss.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Oct. 11, 1996

Would to God to discover the reality
As compared only to the things you're telling me
To find but how much the truth is padded
To be ignited, fiery by the discrepancy

Too much pain there is in being
Oblivious to your reality
Not believing your answers to my prodding
To be a full disclosure

To sit upright in a chair
Suspended above your head
To observe your life in secret
As do angels and devils

Would to God to know what you are doing
Would to God to know who you are with
Would to God to hear the conversation
To be the one that you kiss

Invisible chair, come let me sit
Above her soul, observant, obsessed

There's the pain of troubled wondering
Not knowing anything you do
A painful consciousness of my failure
To be meshed in the webs of your cocoon

Silent seated, only watching
The colors of your life
Splash rhythmically into my face
Stun with beauty
Burn with light

Invisible chair, telescope, astral seat, crystal ball,
hidden window, looking glass, peeping tom,
All for the mystery of an angel

Invisible chair, this as air
Secreted above in ether stare
Down into your life unfold
Watch the play, the girl untold

Jealous fits, despairing flights
As I watch both day and night
So pained to see you reveling
You full in force, and not with me
-T.R.A. 1996

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Book Store

Today I went to the book store. As I was squatting and bending in the children's section looking for beginning readers level 2 books on the bottom shelf, I sneezed. And while I sneezed, I peed my pants. And not just a tiny, tiny bit. It was super uncool.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Room Mom

Oh Heavens. I just got a message from someone at the PTA letting me know that my room mom info social is tomorrow at 3:00. I didn't even sign up to be room mom!!!! ARGH. I was room mom last year. And it was fine. Not really a big deal. But that was KINDERGARTEN!! We're talking FIRST GRADE here people! Much more work indeed. And I was ready for a year off.

When I glanced the room mom sign up sheet on parent's night, there were NO NAMES. None. I knew they'd be scrambling for people. Maybe because I signed up on every other sheet there that night, they figured I missed one? Seriously. Wth?

Should I just do it? Or tell them how it is?

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Letter to Anonymous Hairy Man

Dear Man at Discount Grocery Store:

I've been meaning to tell you, how horrible and awkward you made the air at the checkout stand at unnamed grocery store. When you yell at and demean your kids in public and in front of strangers, you really make yourself look bad. I just wonder what it's like behind closed doors if you feel that comfortable talking to them like that in front of other people. And when your son asked you to buy him gum and said "But dad, you owe me", you responded with "I don't owe you nothin". Well, you're wrong. You owe your children many things. You owe it to them to love them and treat them kindly. You owe them support and security and a happy home. You owe them a nice father and mother who teach them how to be kind, generous, smart and successful in life. How's it going with that?

And p.s. When you forced that checker to exchange your Sunkist soda for Shasta, you totally lost 'cause the Sunkist cost more. So you're out some change. Just wanted to rub that in your face. Now stop yelling at your kids so much.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Michael Jackson

Goodbye Michael. We are sad that you're gone, though we feel we let you go and said our goodbyes many, many years ago. While you were still this person:

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

No Good News

Clustered tonic spasms. Totally uncool.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Past Transgression

Once, when I was in high school, I was asked to play a piano piece at church. So, being the dirty hippie that I was, I chose "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac. Playing a non-hymn/classical piece in a Mormon sacrament service is a HUGE no-no. I can't believe I did that.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Missed Opportunity

Yesterday I got a phone call from Hamburg Germany. It was The Nooch. He's there on tour right now, and was asked by NME Magazine to suggest a photographer to cover a Glasvegas show in Las Vegas tonight. He asked me if I wanted the gig. Or course I do. But, I am not in Vegas today and can't get there by tonight. I'm so bummed.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Crusty Feet

I am an avid flip-flop wearer. I really hate socks so I'm always anxious for spring so I can bust them out. Since we've finally broken the 60 degree mark here, I'm sporting them often. I've noticed that for some reason now, when I'm walking farther than a block in the flops, the tops of my feet start to cramp up. It's really weird and has never happened before. So, yesterday on our river trail walk to the park, I had to take my flippity-flips off and go barefoot for a while. The asphalt of the trail actually felt great under my feet and kinda gave me a massage. I knew I looked super homeless but just had to let it go. My feet got all black and crusty. I totally felt like Elin (love you!). What's with the cramping?

So, it's great to walk along the river so when your feet get black you can stick them into the headache-inducing, frigid glacier water of the stream. It cleans them right up. But what's with the cramping?

Friday, May 8, 2009

Park People

I witnessed something amazing today. I was at the magnificent 3-story park with Katie + 3 friends (this is the same park where "ghetto vest" went down). There was only one other group there. It was a mother and her 4 daughters. The mom was holding a big box of Capri Suns and was on her phone from the time I got there, which is no big deal. However, 40 minutes later, and still on the phone, her youngest who looked about 3-ish, totally hurt herself on the monkey bars. She slipped and the bar hit her in the crotch so hard, the entire play structure reverberated. She was screaming, which made the mom look up, but she didn't even hang up, say "hold on", or walk over to her child. She waited for her little girl to limp over to her and she held her while she continued talking. And guess what she was talking about that was so important. Go on, guess....HER PERIOD! Which was totally surprising 'cause she looked old enough to be menopausal.

We walked to the other side of the park where the swings are, and found all their Capri Sun pouches on the grass. Nice.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Ghetto Vest

Last night at 10:30 Katie informed me that she left her favorite sweatshirt at the park yesterday. We had to go back there this morning in the torrential rain and look for it at the top of the three story play structure. The wind was howling and blowing our umbrellas away while we hiked the squishy, grassy hills. I totally slipped on the way down and landed hard on my back and slid. It super sucked. And I was soaked to the bone.

The sweatshirt wasn't where she left it, so we hiked back up the hill and over to the swings. (This is a MASSIVE park, and all the way east up onto the side of the mountain. You can see all of UT County from the 3rd floor of the play structure. It's awesome). It also wasn't at the swings, so we started the trek back to the car. Katie saw something down another hill in the distance and thought it might be her sweatshirt. I told her I was sure it was just some trash but she insisted. I hiked down that hill as well, and low and behold, it was her sweatshirt. Unfortunately, someone had RIPPED THE SLEEVES OFF!! I turned around to tell her she was right, she was totally proud of herself...then I gave her the bad news about the sleeves. He face literally fell, then she turned around and marched back to the car, sobbing the whole way. She was so distraught that someone would do that to her "favorite, special sweatshirt". She won't let me throw it out for some reason. I think she wants to hold on to it as a memento of the world's injustice.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Unfortunately, there's no such thing as a water proof band-aid. Really. There's not. It's total false advertising.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


I just realized the 3 previous posts all contain the word poo. So, anyway, I called the gym and talked to the "manager". It was SO LAME. She was a jerk, and although she's the "manager", after I told her what happened, she confessed that she's only worked there since Friday. Somehow this must remove her from any accountability I guess.

I wasn't calling to yell at anyone or to be rude, or to say you're paying my hospital bills or anything like that, I just wanted them to be aware that there was ROTAVIRUS going around in their gym and that they might not want to let babies play in the toilet. I could barely even express one full thought as she kept talking and talking and talking OVER ME and getting louder and louder and faster and cutting me off. She was so defensive and kept making light of the situation. She said things like, "Babies, like, totally get out of the gated area sometimes" and "we, like, totally clean our toys" and "only like one other person has called about a sick child" and "I totally wasn't even here that day". None of these things made me feel better. I know babies get out. I know they don't clean their toys. And it doesn't matter that only one other mom had called. What about the 19 other mom's who's kids got sick there that didn't call? And what about babies in the toilet who don't get their hands washed or who could have drowned in the toilet? And what about your lame attitude? And what about that fact that you stuff the play room past capacity and let sick, booger infest kids play in there? And what about the brick that might crash through your window later this week? Huh? 'Cause that, like, totally happens sometimes.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Poor Baby Connor

I took Connor and Katie with me to Gold's Gym in AF last Tuesday so they could play while I worked out. 2 days later, Connor came down with the worst stomach virus I've ever seen. It was non-stop barf and diarrhea for 2 days straight. At that time, Katie informed me that on Tuesday at the gym, she had found Baby Connor in the bathroom with his hands in the toilet. No one was watching him, and somehow he had escaped from the baby area, and was having a good ol' time with the poo water. Katie walked him out, told the teacher lady what happened, and then told me that THEY DID NOT WASH HIS HANDS. It gets even better...

So, Friday morning, I took him in to the Dr. as I was worried that he hadn't kept anything down, not even an ice chip. Before I even gave details, the Dr. asked if he had spent any time that week at a day care or babysitting. I said he went to the babysitting at the gym. He asked if it happened to be the Gold's Gym in AF. Apparently, he had seen about 20 other kids in his office that week with the same illness.

So, we went home, tried to feed him more but with no luck. By that evening, he was so lethargic I started to get really worried. His eyes were dark and cloudy and he was not himself at all. By this point, his diarrhea had become out of control, so we called the Dr. again and they had us come down to the office. As soon as they saw Connor, they decided to admit him to the hospital for dehydration. I felt relieved that he was going to get some fluids.

So, long story short...I'm going to skip the details about the 1.5 hrs it took to get a needle in his flat, dehydrated veins and the 6 nurses and 14 pokes it took to do it...and just skip to the part where they kept him in the hospital FOR THREE DAYS! My mom ended up coming here from Vegas to help, and Bdog flew home Sunday to be here. Had I known Friday night that he'd spend 3 days there, I would have called for back-up right away.

We just brought him home yesterday. They let us go because he was starting to finally drink on his own and hold it down, and 'cause his diarrhea had significantly decreased. Well, after we got home, he stopped drinking anything and the little we were able to force feed him all came back up. His diarrhea increased again as well. Today, he's thrown up the entire content of today's feedings and is exploding in his pants and everywhere else. Please bless we don't land back in the hospital :(

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Sicky Poo

For the first time ever, I have 2 sick kids. Katie hasn't really been sick since she was a baby, so I've never had to deal with her and Connor being sick at the same time. Poor Miss Katie has a relentless fever and a cough, and Baby Connor has a sinus infection, and bad cough too. He's on antibiotics for the first time in his life. Of course, this is happening while I'm still getting over my awesome cough and while I have no husband. I only got to enjoy Bdog for 36 hrs. over the weekend. So, over the course of one month, we will have had only 36 hrs. with him. Lame. Lame. Lame.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Poopy Pants

Baby Connor pooped a hair ball. A full-on ball of different
types/colors/lengths of hair. I had to pull it from his little bum
and it just kept coming and coming. This is my first experience
with a human and a hair ball. Normally, it would be a cat

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Roast Beast

I just need to tell the world that the London Broil roast beef at Albertson's (forgot the brand name...but it's not the store brand) totally tastes like beef flavored jell-o. It's gross.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Career Woes

Can Mercury just send a check already? Besides all the ridiculously delinquent bills we have, it's my dream to get Ms. Katie back into dance class. We're going to miss her ballerina window if we don't hurry up. Fudge man. Pretty soon she's going to lose interest in dancing on the basement couch. Freak.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Domino Magazine

I can't believe my most favorite magazine of all time has gone under/been canceled. It was my inspiration and resource for all thing weird and wonderful. So bummed out.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Yesterday I fell down an entire flight of super steep stairs while I was holding BABY CONNOR! I have bumps and bruises all over me. I am sore. I am purple. I'm aching in places I didn't know could be injured. I want to stay in bed all day and nap. But that's impossible, of course.

And this was after Connor, Olivia and I all hit a tree while sledding. We were jammin' and flyin' and I straddled the tree trunk and am feelin' it today. Uncool.

Friday, January 16, 2009


I went to help out at Katie's school Wednesday. It's been over a week since it's snowed, yet there was still SO MUCH ICE all over the school sidewalks and walkways. I totally slipped, but luckily I didn't fall. I was so MAD and thought, "How do little kids, who RUN EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME not slip on this 3 inch thick ice?" I'm sure there have been spills, yet there's no ice control going on over there. Not even salt sprinkled down. It was really uncool.