Monday, October 19, 2009

Oct. 11, 1996

Would to God to discover the reality
As compared only to the things you're telling me
To find but how much the truth is padded
To be ignited, fiery by the discrepancy

Too much pain there is in being
Oblivious to your reality
Not believing your answers to my prodding
To be a full disclosure

To sit upright in a chair
Suspended above your head
To observe your life in secret
As do angels and devils

Would to God to know what you are doing
Would to God to know who you are with
Would to God to hear the conversation
To be the one that you kiss

Invisible chair, come let me sit
Above her soul, observant, obsessed

There's the pain of troubled wondering
Not knowing anything you do
A painful consciousness of my failure
To be meshed in the webs of your cocoon

Silent seated, only watching
The colors of your life
Splash rhythmically into my face
Stun with beauty
Burn with light

Invisible chair, telescope, astral seat, crystal ball,
hidden window, looking glass, peeping tom,
All for the mystery of an angel

Invisible chair, this as air
Secreted above in ether stare
Down into your life unfold
Watch the play, the girl untold

Jealous fits, despairing flights
As I watch both day and night
So pained to see you reveling
You full in force, and not with me
-T.R.A. 1996


Kaerlig said...

That is a passionate, desperate, and depressing love letter. I loved reading it Em. Thanks.

Shenay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shenay said...

He was so gifted with words. He obviously cared for you deeply, Em.

Hartman said...

I can actually understand what he's trying to say now that I read this after all these years. It is beautiful.

republic said...

Obsessive rants of the astral invisible chair: throne before the looking glass of love regret and reminiscing of what could be. Beautiful depiction of dark young love. Trevor is a heritage to all who love him.

-David A