Saturday, July 26, 2008

Bat holes

Here is our most amazing story to date from our little CA paradise. The first day we got there, I noticed quite a bit of rodent droppings on the front porch. I didn't think that was weird since we are out in the "country" with vineyards and orchards and no one had been living in the house for a couple months. So, the next morning I decided to spray off the porch and get things cleaned up a bit.

Next morning, more poo. Lots of it. I had to figure out where it was coming from. I noticed that some of it was actually stuck to the wall, above the window where the walls meet the eaves. So, I began spraying up there. There's about a 1/4 in. opening between the walls and the eaves, so I sprayed some water in there too.

All of the sudden, big, long, furry legs start creeping out of the 1/4 in. crack. I thought they were tarantulas. But then, they started making an unearthly noise and flying toward my head. THEY WERE BATS!!!! I can't even explain the panic that came through me. I dropped the hose, went booking it around to the other side of the house, all the while screaming horrible expletives, and found Branden. I literally ran to him, pulled on his Tshirt and stuck my head under it. While he's wearing it. I totally lost my marbles.

He took me inside then he and Katie went on the porch and enjoyed the site of tons of bats flying out going nuts. They loved it. Meanwhile, I was LITERALLY hyper-ventilating in the house and having a full-on panic attack. I would not come out of the house for a good 3 hours and just couldn't calm down. I even actually said, "If there's alcohol in this house, I'm having some."

Well, the bats didn't come back. I think we destroyed their home for good. The best part of all is when Branden talked to Phil (his cousin's husband...they own the house) he told him, "Dude, you've got a bat infestation." And Phil replied, "Oh! You met the bats! We love them so much. Every night we sit on the grass at dusk and watch them come out. It's our nightly ritual."

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Bano-no Boat

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a total psycho about sun protection. I've been called 'the sunscreen nazi' on numerous occasions. Yesterday I decided to give Banana Boat baby sunscreen a try since it's supposed to be 'as gentle to your eyes as water'. Well, my eyes felt fine while I swam in the ocean, no sunscreen sting....but the sun protection is total CRAP! I totally got burned. And so did my daughter and my little brother. We reapplied 3 times in the course of a couple hours, and we all got fried. And I've heard now from 2 other people that the same thing happened to them using Banana Boat. What the freak. We're totally taking it back.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Top Ten

Here are the top 10 uncool things from the last couple weeks:

10. Psycho drivers that almost kill you, then give you the bird out their window.
9. Realtors who leave houses unlocked when they leave.
8. Giant spiders that look like scorpions and tarantulas mixed.
7. Lost binkies at the beach when it's nap time.
6. Gas prices.
5. Waking up ready to pick incredible, ripe plums only to find them blown all over the ground and eaten by critters.
4. Neighbor's dogs who bark all night incessantly.
3. Slipping on the wet, tile bathroom floor while trying to save your baby who just slipped on said bathroom floor only to fall into him and kick him 5 more feet across the wet bathroom floor and watch him hit the wall.
2. Bruises on your hand, bum and ribs from wet bathroom floor fiasco.
1. Not having INTERNET ACCESS! Thought I might love it, but can't live without it. It's just not the same as no T.V. or phone. Not having those is lovely.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


I haven't had time to post in over a week. Totally uncool. Gotta get back in the car now.