The Daily UNcool

Oh. Em. Jee.

2012-02-06T12:57:00.002-07:00

I am feeling very negative and frustrated today. Josh Powell...omigosh what a disaster. Today was delivery day for my big new fluffy couch for the basement. So when I moved the old couch to vacuum, I found some mold on the baseboards. MOLD! It's like the kiss of death. I can't even believe it. Then they came with the new couch. And it WILL NOT fit through the basement door and down the stairs. Now I have to have it custom built in 3 pieces instead of 2. More time to wait. More money to spend. Soooooooooo bummed.

I guess we'll wait on that trip to Mexico. New carpet and baseboards trump vacay.

Also, I'm still not over Seal and Heidi splitting. Now Will and Jada? So sad! ;)

Dreams

2012-01-31T11:44:00.001-07:00

Last night in my dream, I was seriously dating a very old, very sick and dying man. We loved each other very much. And I called him "daddy". We lived together. I took care of him and doted on him. I loved his kids and they loved me. We were serious. And he was Gordon B. Hinckley.

American Airlines = Poo

2011-02-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

Worst travel day ever. 2 flight delays, 2 go to a new gate after it's time to board, rechecked luggage and went thru secrurity THREE times, an AIRPORT change, 2 random body searches including boob cupping, got home 4 hours later than scheduled, and got stuck in the far away, long term parking lot cause I didn't have money to pay. I went to get the car that was dropped off for us while Bdog waited inside for our bags, which included my wallet. So I had to repark the car, wait for the shuttle, go back to the airport, get money, ride the shuttle back and then bring the car around. I think Bdog waited 40 minutes for a car that was already at the airport. I am sooooo glad to be home. We missed our babies so much, we're keeping them both home from school today :)

Oct. 11, 1996

2010-10-15T13:07:00.003-06:00

Somewhat tired, peaceable between sleep and listlessness
Fire brings languor to visions
Between dangling and dissolving

And your eye, it is there
Your eye will say smoke and the sun
Red and shining skies
Altogether wrapped with time unmoving...

Desert shores at midnight
Lapping waters freely play
Up against our wriggling toes
Set so deep in sand and clay

Under that swallowing night
We went as two babes in love
Into great bouts of passioned embrace
Until the morning's deep red sun

Fire played all night between
Our eyes locked in merciless stare
Pins pricked upon our backs
The chills that coursed
Like wild mares

Never again will another time
See the likes of that hot sleep
Never will these lips of mine
Find a love so dear and sweet

-T.R.A. 1995

Baby Man

2010-09-28T21:44:00.000-06:00

Today I went to Baby Connor's school to help out. It was kind of a downer. He was so cute and I loved every minute of being there with him, but my heart hurt as I watched him struggle to understand directions for the most basic tasks. It takes so much effort for him to grasp simple concepts and to cooperate on his own. His teachers are so positive and so encouraging, but it was very hard for me to see how behind he is. The classroom setting really showed me how severe his delay is. The other kids are very delayed too, so he's in good company. And the teachers are literally super-human with magic powers. But still, it was hard. I know I have to accept that he may always be this way and that he may never catch up. But at the end of the day, it doesn't even matter. I'm so in love with him, I'll take whatever I can get. I could handle much bigger health issues and mental disabilities with him if it means I get to have him. I'll take him no matter what.

Old Hag

2010-09-12T23:02:00.003-06:00

Friday, at the grocery story, Baby Connor was in a really good mood. And since he doesn't talk, he likes to let out these really loud, shrill, pterodactyl screams when he's stoked. Well, he was stoked on his pretzels in the grocery cart so he let out one of those awesome screams. An old lady in front of me whipped around with her hands tightly protecting her ears and said "Oh my gosh!! You've got to cover their mouths when they do that. That's just AWFUL!"
I politely replied that I didn't know he was going to let out a happy scream and just kept walking. But what I really wanted to say was:
"Hey bag lady, he's retarded. Look at his gorgeous face. He can do whatever the hell he wants, so shut your pie hole."
But I didn't. 'Cause my momma raised me better than that.

Baby Man

2010-08-13T21:23:00.002-06:00

This really isn't uncool, but it's baffling and I don't know where to catalogue this information. My severely delayed, handicapped 3 year can't talk. At all. But he can snap his fingers very well, though most other 3 year olds can't. And he can WHISTLE. With his mouth. Whistle. I don't get it.

Itchy

2010-08-11T11:16:00.003-06:00

Dear, Cat That I'm Allergic To:

How 'bout every night, you come up and curl into a ball on my face and let me breathe your fur in and out, in and out, into my nostrils?

You can stay. You can live here. We'll be nice and feed you and stuff. But I'm only asking you for one thing; STAY THE FREAK OUT OF MY BED. Can you please just follow this one rule? I'll even scoop your poo, vacuum up your kitty litter that you track all over, clean the gunk out of your eyes, anything. JUST STAY OUT OF MY BED. You make me itch. You make me sneeze. You make my nose run. You make my eyes red. And your purring is loud in the night. It wakes me up. So just STAY OUT OF MY BED.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation. Please comply and we may even give you a name.

Sincerely,
Tired, Cranky Woman Who Threw You Off The Bed Repeatedly

Wish

2010-06-23T18:35:00.002-06:00

I wish the nice people who trimmed my rose bushes for me had not cut them so far down. Now, my once full, fragrant rose bushes are about 20 inches tall.

I wish my parents could be on their mission in Africa right now but still sleep here at night.

I wish Krispy Kreme's were sugar/fat/carb free.

I wish Miss Katie wasn't in a bad mood all the time.

I wish Baby Connor had not had 4 clusters of seizures today.

I wish my toenails were painted pretty.

I wish The Unc could get a lunch pass from the MTC so we could go get sushi.

I wish everyone had a job and could sell their house if they wanted to and for how much they needed to.

I wish it was easy for every couple to have a baby.

I wish Bdog hadn't left at 6 a.m. today.

I wish we had the freedom to travel with him so I wouldn't be frazzled and impatient every night wishing he were here to help and be funny with the kids.

This is going to be a long tour, I can feel it. Either someone overestimated my super powers, or I underestimated the toll touring can take on my sanity.

Empty Sea

2010-06-11T14:31:00.002-06:00

No words. And this is the only photo I could manage.

"I am a patient boy...I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait. My time is water down a drain"

2010-04-19T20:18:00.005-06:00

Goodbye Thomas. I'm so sorry to see you go. And I'm sorry you never found your dream girl...the one we talked about who has a rock solid testimony and would go to the temple with you, but who would also go to a topless beach in Europe with you and have your babies. Please, if by chance I ever have to take an art history test of some sort, will you come whisper the answers in my ear because I most certainly won't have studied. We will always think of you as the 5th Daines boy. But, as the one I could flirt with because it wasn't icky. Thank you for your friendship, the cuddles, and the interesting, competent discussions on rock 'n roll. I love you. Bdog loves you. Everyone loves you.

No, Thank You

2010-04-01T08:58:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, when you take your sweet gorgeous baby boy to the neurologist, there are certain words and phrases you never want to hear. Things like "irretractable seizures" and "anomaly" and "permanent damage" and "mental retardation" and "running out of time" and "I don't know". It is enough to make one sink into a funk that cannot be dissipated.

Don't Judge

2010-03-14T11:20:00.009-06:00

I am having a hard time coming to grips with something. I think the only way I can deal is to write about it. Sat. night we finally opened one of the shiny new beauties we got last week and listen to it in the car. It is sooooo fantastic. I cried tears. It's that good. Then we got to track 6...one of my most favorite songs in the world ever. Now, I knew about the less than savory word used in it, but EVERY COPY of Habits was supposed to be EDITED. Every. Copy. Well, these first 100,000 are not. The next pressing is likely months away, so, in the mean time you must be warned. I cannot let my fellow Molly Mormons go buy it knowing that they'll be mortified if they listen to track 6 in the car with their kids. It's a big deal to me. Yes, I know, I'm uptight and prudish.

So, after listening to it in the car Sat. night, we attended the premiere of Under Great White Northern Lights. I was in the most sour mood ever. I was on the verge of tears. I wasn't allowed to talk about my disappointment with Branden because it was stressing him out and ruining "date night". He is also very stressed about the sitch. It's a ding to his rep.

As we sat watching Jack and Meg on the big screen, I remembered how very, very much I love rock 'n roll. And how it's a HUGE part of who I am. And how when Bdog had long hair he sometimes looked like Jack and it was hot. And how the music I've listened to all my life defines so much of me. And how this is Branden's career that we've worked so hard for. And that the eff-bomb is just one word.

Then I thought about all the musicians I love and respect in my life. The ones that I look up to & that influence me. I literally had this monologue running in my head while watching:

"Man, I really love rock 'n roll...Man, why am I so bent out of shape about this? I've love so many bands that have songs like this. And I turned out o.k. Right? Neil Young...even The Jam drops an eff-bomb and they're like, my most favorite band EVER! What about Lucinda Williams? Dad loves her. And The Mother Hips? Radiohead? Ryan Adams? Beck? O.K. So, it happens. It's not the end of the world. I'm not gonna die."

Yes, this is what was going through my mind. Then I decided to just warn the world and let it be. I listen to music that has words in it sometimes and I'm o.k. Even in my formative years, it didn't mess me up. The world will keep spinning. And there is so much music in the world to love. Even track 6. And there are not enough Neon Trees songs in the world for me to love and listen to.

Ghosty

2010-03-04T14:40:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, when you temporarily have a pet cat and you forget that you have said cat, and the cat pushes open your bedroom door in the night while you are dead asleep, and you hear the door screech a blood curdling squeak, and the cat jumps on your bed right where your head is, it can be a life-threatening startle.

UnHeart

2010-02-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

What is up with the new Necco candy Valentine hearts? Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. And where are the chalky, candy cigarette flavored white ones?

Auld Lang Syne

2009-12-26T17:18:00.004-07:00

Only 28 more hours left of the year that:

Epilepsy entered our lives

We were both basically unemployed

Baby Connor had 3 hospital stays

Dear friends forgot who they really are and what is most important

A long anticipated "release date" was pushed to next year

Credit scores were seriously damaged

We became experts on the Ketogenic Diet and clustered tonic spasms

Friends' marriages and hearts were broken

20 lbs were gained

The power, phone and internet were turned off numerous times

The return of the Jello Pudding Pop was a horrible disappointment

Goodbye and good riddance, 2009.

I will not look back on you fondly.

Yuck

2009-12-05T10:03:00.002-07:00

I don't know if there's any sound in this whole world worse than the sound of dental floss coming out of the container/package. It makes we weak in the knees and nauseated. Which happened last night, and I have a really bad cold so the chills the sound gave me literally HURT. It was PAINFUL. And I'm sore. Because of dental floss.

Seriously?

2009-10-29T10:51:00.000-06:00

Oct. 11, 1996

2009-10-19T09:49:00.002-06:00

Would to God to discover the reality
As compared only to the things you're telling me
To find but how much the truth is padded
To be ignited, fiery by the discrepancy

Too much pain there is in being
Oblivious to your reality
Not believing your answers to my prodding
To be a full disclosure

To sit upright in a chair
Suspended above your head
To observe your life in secret
As do angels and devils

Would to God to know what you are doing
Would to God to know who you are with
Would to God to hear the conversation
To be the one that you kiss

Invisible chair, come let me sit
Above her soul, observant, obsessed

There's the pain of troubled wondering
Not knowing anything you do
A painful consciousness of my failure
To be meshed in the webs of your cocoon

Silent seated, only watching
The colors of your life
Splash rhythmically into my face
Stun with beauty
Burn with light

Invisible chair, telescope, astral seat, crystal ball,
hidden window, looking glass, peeping tom,
All for the mystery of an angel

Invisible chair, this as air
Secreted above in ether stare
Down into your life unfold
Watch the play, the girl untold

Jealous fits, despairing flights
As I watch both day and night
So pained to see you reveling
You full in force, and not with me
-T.R.A. 1996

click here for the visual.

The Book Store

2009-10-09T15:44:00.001-06:00

Today I went to the book store. As I was squatting and bending in the children's section looking for beginning readers level 2 books on the bottom shelf, I sneezed. And while I sneezed, I peed my pants. And not just a tiny, tiny bit. It was super uncool.

Room Mom

2009-09-15T09:43:00.002-06:00

Oh Heavens. I just got a message from someone at the PTA letting me know that my room mom info social is tomorrow at 3:00. I didn't even sign up to be room mom!!!! ARGH. I was room mom last year. And it was fine. Not really a big deal. But that was KINDERGARTEN!! We're talking FIRST GRADE here people! Much more work indeed. And I was ready for a year off.

When I glanced the room mom sign up sheet on parent's night, there were NO NAMES. None. I knew they'd be scrambling for people. Maybe because I signed up on every other sheet there that night, they figured I missed one? Seriously. Wth?

Should I just do it? Or tell them how it is?

Letter to Anonymous Hairy Man

2009-07-30T12:29:00.003-06:00

Dear Man at Discount Grocery Store:

I've been meaning to tell you, how horrible and awkward you made the air at the checkout stand at unnamed grocery store. When you yell at and demean your kids in public and in front of strangers, you really make yourself look bad. I just wonder what it's like behind closed doors if you feel that comfortable talking to them like that in front of other people. And when your son asked you to buy him gum and said "But dad, you owe me", you responded with "I don't owe you nothin". Well, you're wrong. You owe your children many things. You owe it to them to love them and treat them kindly. You owe them support and security and a happy home. You owe them a nice father and mother who teach them how to be kind, generous, smart and successful in life. How's it going with that?

And p.s. When you forced that checker to exchange your Sunkist soda for Shasta, you totally lost 'cause the Sunkist cost more. So you're out some change. Just wanted to rub that in your face. Now stop yelling at your kids so much.

Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T11:43:00.004-06:00

Goodbye Michael. We are sad that you're gone, though we feel we let you go and said our goodbyes many, many years ago. While you were still this person:

1958-2009

No Good News

2009-06-23T10:15:00.000-06:00

Clustered tonic spasms. Totally uncool.

Past Transgression

2009-06-15T10:15:00.001-06:00

Once, when I was in high school, I was asked to play a piano piece at church. So, being the dirty hippie that I was, I chose "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac. Playing a non-hymn/classical piece in a Mormon sacrament service is a HUGE no-no. I can't believe I did that.

Missed Opportunity

2009-06-03T12:25:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I got a phone call from Hamburg Germany. It was The Nooch. He's there on tour right now, and was asked by NME Magazine to suggest a photographer to cover a Glasvegas show in Las Vegas tonight. He asked me if I wanted the gig. Or course I do. But, I am not in Vegas today and can't get there by tonight. I'm so bummed.

Crusty Feet

2009-05-16T00:22:00.003-06:00

I am an avid flip-flop wearer. I really hate socks so I'm always anxious for spring so I can bust them out. Since we've finally broken the 60 degree mark here, I'm sporting them often. I've noticed that for some reason now, when I'm walking farther than a block in the flops, the tops of my feet start to cramp up. It's really weird and has never happened before. So, yesterday on our river trail walk to the park, I had to take my flippity-flips off and go barefoot for a while. The asphalt of the trail actually felt great under my feet and kinda gave me a massage. I knew I looked super homeless but just had to let it go. My feet got all black and crusty. I totally felt like Elin (love you!). What's with the cramping?

So, it's great to walk along the river so when your feet get black you can stick them into the headache-inducing, frigid glacier water of the stream. It cleans them right up. But what's with the cramping?

Park People

2009-05-08T19:44:00.002-06:00

I witnessed something amazing today. I was at the magnificent 3-story park with Katie + 3 friends (this is the same park where "ghetto vest" went down). There was only one other group there. It was a mother and her 4 daughters. The mom was holding a big box of Capri Suns and was on her phone from the time I got there, which is no big deal. However, 40 minutes later, and still on the phone, her youngest who looked about 3-ish, totally hurt herself on the monkey bars. She slipped and the bar hit her in the crotch so hard, the entire play structure reverberated. She was screaming, which made the mom look up, but she didn't even hang up, say "hold on", or walk over to her child. She waited for her little girl to limp over to her and she held her while she continued talking. And guess what she was talking about that was so important. Go on, guess....HER PERIOD! Which was totally surprising 'cause she looked old enough to be menopausal.

We walked to the other side of the park where the swings are, and found all their Capri Sun pouches on the grass. Nice.

Ghetto Vest

2009-05-02T23:14:00.004-06:00

Last night at 10:30 Katie informed me that she left her favorite sweatshirt at the park yesterday. We had to go back there this morning in the torrential rain and look for it at the top of the three story play structure. The wind was howling and blowing our umbrellas away while we hiked the squishy, grassy hills. I totally slipped on the way down and landed hard on my back and slid. It super sucked. And I was soaked to the bone.

The sweatshirt wasn't where she left it, so we hiked back up the hill and over to the swings. (This is a MASSIVE park, and all the way east up onto the side of the mountain. You can see all of UT County from the 3rd floor of the play structure. It's awesome). It also wasn't at the swings, so we started the trek back to the car. Katie saw something down another hill in the distance and thought it might be her sweatshirt. I told her I was sure it was just some trash but she insisted. I hiked down that hill as well, and low and behold, it was her sweatshirt. Unfortunately, someone had RIPPED THE SLEEVES OFF!! I turned around to tell her she was right, she was totally proud of herself...then I gave her the bad news about the sleeves. He face literally fell, then she turned around and marched back to the car, sobbing the whole way. She was so distraught that someone would do that to her "favorite, special sweatshirt". She won't let me throw it out for some reason. I think she wants to hold on to it as a memento of the world's injustice.

Cuts

2009-04-21T21:42:00.003-06:00

Unfortunately, there's no such thing as a water proof band-aid. Really. There's not. It's total false advertising.

Poo

2009-04-08T14:03:00.002-06:00

I just realized the 3 previous posts all contain the word poo. So, anyway, I called the gym and talked to the "manager". It was SO LAME. She was a jerk, and although she's the "manager", after I told her what happened, she confessed that she's only worked there since Friday. Somehow this must remove her from any accountability I guess.

I wasn't calling to yell at anyone or to be rude, or to say you're paying my hospital bills or anything like that, I just wanted them to be aware that there was ROTAVIRUS going around in their gym and that they might not want to let babies play in the toilet. I could barely even express one full thought as she kept talking and talking and talking OVER ME and getting louder and louder and faster and cutting me off. She was so defensive and kept making light of the situation. She said things like, "Babies, like, totally get out of the gated area sometimes" and "we, like, totally clean our toys" and "only like one other person has called about a sick child" and "I totally wasn't even here that day". None of these things made me feel better. I know babies get out. I know they don't clean their toys. And it doesn't matter that only one other mom had called. What about the 19 other mom's who's kids got sick there that didn't call? And what about babies in the toilet who don't get their hands washed or who could have drowned in the toilet? And what about your lame attitude? And what about that fact that you stuff the play room past capacity and let sick, booger infest kids play in there? And what about the brick that might crash through your window later this week? Huh? 'Cause that, like, totally happens sometimes.

Poor Baby Connor

2009-03-31T14:56:00.003-06:00

I took Connor and Katie with me to Gold's Gym in AF last Tuesday so they could play while I worked out. 2 days later, Connor came down with the worst stomach virus I've ever seen. It was non-stop barf and diarrhea for 2 days straight. At that time, Katie informed me that on Tuesday at the gym, she had found Baby Connor in the bathroom with his hands in the toilet. No one was watching him, and somehow he had escaped from the baby area, and was having a good ol' time with the poo water. Katie walked him out, told the teacher lady what happened, and then told me that THEY DID NOT WASH HIS HANDS. It gets even better...

So, Friday morning, I took him in to the Dr. as I was worried that he hadn't kept anything down, not even an ice chip. Before I even gave details, the Dr. asked if he had spent any time that week at a day care or babysitting. I said he went to the babysitting at the gym. He asked if it happened to be the Gold's Gym in AF. Apparently, he had seen about 20 other kids in his office that week with the same illness.

So, we went home, tried to feed him more but with no luck. By that evening, he was so lethargic I started to get really worried. His eyes were dark and cloudy and he was not himself at all. By this point, his diarrhea had become out of control, so we called the Dr. again and they had us come down to the office. As soon as they saw Connor, they decided to admit him to the hospital for dehydration. I felt relieved that he was going to get some fluids.

So, long story short...I'm going to skip the details about the 1.5 hrs it took to get a needle in his flat, dehydrated veins and the 6 nurses and 14 pokes it took to do it...and just skip to the part where they kept him in the hospital FOR THREE DAYS! My mom ended up coming here from Vegas to help, and Bdog flew home Sunday to be here. Had I known Friday night that he'd spend 3 days there, I would have called for back-up right away.

We just brought him home yesterday. They let us go because he was starting to finally drink on his own and hold it down, and 'cause his diarrhea had significantly decreased. Well, after we got home, he stopped drinking anything and the little we were able to force feed him all came back up. His diarrhea increased again as well. Today, he's thrown up the entire content of today's feedings and is exploding in his pants and everywhere else. Please bless we don't land back in the hospital :(

Sicky Poo

2009-03-22T18:48:00.005-06:00

For the first time ever, I have 2 sick kids. Katie hasn't really been sick since she was a baby, so I've never had to deal with her and Connor being sick at the same time. Poor Miss Katie has a relentless fever and a cough, and Baby Connor has a sinus infection, and bad cough too. He's on antibiotics for the first time in his life. Of course, this is happening while I'm still getting over my awesome cough and while I have no husband. I only got to enjoy Bdog for 36 hrs. over the weekend. So, over the course of one month, we will have had only 36 hrs. with him. Lame. Lame. Lame.

Poopy Pants

2009-03-14T20:35:00.007-06:00

Baby Connor pooped a hair ball. A full-on ball of different
types/colors/lengths of hair. I had to pull it from his little bum
and it just kept coming and coming. This is my first experience
with a human and a hair ball. Normally, it would be a cat.

Roast Beast

2009-03-10T13:12:00.002-06:00

I just need to tell the world that the London Broil roast beef at Albertson's (forgot the brand name...but it's not the store brand) totally tastes like beef flavored jell-o. It's gross.

Career Woes

2009-03-02T14:59:00.002-07:00

Can Mercury just send a check already? Besides all the ridiculously delinquent bills we have, it's my dream to get Ms. Katie back into dance class. We're going to miss her ballerina window if we don't hurry up. Fudge man. Pretty soon she's going to lose interest in dancing on the basement couch. Freak.

Domino Magazine

2009-01-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

I can't believe my most favorite magazine of all time has gone under/been canceled. It was my inspiration and resource for all thing weird and wonderful. So bummed out.

Bruises

2009-01-20T10:31:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I fell down an entire flight of super steep stairs while I was holding BABY CONNOR! I have bumps and bruises all over me. I am sore. I am purple. I'm aching in places I didn't know could be injured. I want to stay in bed all day and nap. But that's impossible, of course.

And this was after Connor, Olivia and I all hit a tree while sledding. We were jammin' and flyin' and I straddled the tree trunk and am feelin' it today. Uncool.

Icy

2009-01-16T12:33:00.001-07:00

I went to help out at Katie's school Wednesday. It's been over a week since it's snowed, yet there was still SO MUCH ICE all over the school sidewalks and walkways. I totally slipped, but luckily I didn't fall. I was so MAD and thought, "How do little kids, who RUN EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME not slip on this 3 inch thick ice?" I'm sure there have been spills, yet there's no ice control going on over there. Not even salt sprinkled down. It was really uncool.

Uncool

2008-12-20T09:57:00.001-07:00

20 mo. old babies with watery, watery diarrhea that gets all over their clothes over and over and over in the same day. That's uncool.

Uncool

2008-12-12T21:22:00.002-07:00

This is where I should be tonight....but alas, I am not.

Me again

2008-11-13T16:57:00.005-07:00

It's me again. I'm the uncool one....again. I love Facebook. I really do. I totally enjoy stalking my friends and looking at pics and all the funny, witty things people write on walls, status updates...all that. But I guess I'm not that cool 'cause I'm really not into being poked, cyber-hugged, planting little green things and such. I really don't wanna take any quizzes either. I'm a slightly anal minimalist, and I don't like all the clutter that clogs up my page whenever I do stuff like that. The quizzes are funny and all, it's just that I already feel guilty spending so much time on the world wide web keeping tabs on everyone and reading blogs. In fact, I've already violated my rule of never spending more than 10 minutes making a blog post.

Also, if I'm not friends with someone in real life, I'm really not interested in being Facebook friends. Or, if I've met someone one time and know that there's no chance I'll ever be meeting them again, I kinda don't think it's necessary for them to send a friend request. And if I've never met them at all, no chance. Just don't wanna...

So, if I ignore your group or your event, candy gram or whatev, please don't be offended. I totally love you and am glad we are real life AND internet friends.

Argh

2008-11-07T15:18:00.002-07:00

I still can't find my lost scarf mentioned here. It truly is part of my winter uniform and now that there's snow on the ground, I miss it dearly. Not only is it comfy with a cute pattern and the right colors for everything, it is precious to me as it's a gift from Luchessie. I think I may have left it at Lisa V.'s house after one of our lady dates. Hmm. Maybe I left it in Las Vegas at my rents. Maybe I left it at your house? Anyone seen it?

Me

2008-11-05T09:34:00.002-07:00

It's me. I'm the uncool one. I just can't get with the trendy clothes today. I'm old. I'm stuck in the 90's. Every day I have one of three styles: slightly skater, slightly hippie, or very SAHM. I can't branch out. I reject the 80's revival. Some people look great in skinny jeans, some people can pull off the Wham/Duran Duran/Go-Go's retro look. I'm just not one of them. Here is a photo of a devoted Neon Trees fan. I just can't get over her get-up. I guess I'm uncool.

It's Off

2008-10-21T12:24:00.001-06:00

Tonights Killers/Neon Trees show in San Francisco has been cancelled. The word is that they may reschedule for Dec. and it will be back on.

Oct. 11, 1996

2008-10-11T17:05:00.000-06:00

Shaken awake out of a deep slumber
Eyes open to an old world made new
Poised to plunge now
Into life's rich colors
To lick up life's sweet pearls as dew

Sometimes we fall into the error
Of closing our eyes to friends
Of closing our hearts to precious help
Which their arm readily extends

Sometimes we become the source of
numbing sorrow, stinging pain
To the ones who are most precious
But in all of our wretched self-centeredness
We continue to inflict this torture
Perhaps in ignorance
Perhaps with ill intent

But this hardness we have perpetuated
Forcing all to down bitter pills
In the end will only fall back
Into our own belly to the brim to fill

Hard words crowded into my mind
Then spewed out my mouth
Spilled into the air
And stabbed out her heart

Desolate love only managed then
To grace this skeletal soul
From a once brimming cup
of passion and care
From the one, my only lighted abode

Forthwith then she left me
To my own black hearted affairs
To work my poison devices
To drink this black souled despair

Yet in her hasty leaving
My stained mind sat in blink
And raged and raged against itself
Against its fetid stink

I'm facing up now to the reflection
Cast by my shadowy soul
This grim dissatisfaction now seized
With a new determined fledgling hope - T.R.A. 1996

Baby Girl

2008-10-09T10:37:00.000-06:00

Why do our babies have to grow up? Lately Katie has been acting too grown up for me. Soon she'll be more mature than me and we can't have that. She's bored with the work in kindergarten. It's too easy she says. Instead of Cinderella, she wants to watch Everafter. Instead of Beauty & The Beast, she wants to watch Enchanted. Instead of Cars, she wants Days of Thunder (just kidding...I just threw that in there...could have been Splash instead of Little Mermaid).

Recently when I asked why she didn't have fun at a friends house, she replied, "Mom, people change. We just don't want to play the same thing anymore."

And this is how she tells me she's ready for breakfast, "I would like a sunny side up egg, runny please. With some salt and wheat toast with a little bit of butter, thank you."

At Disneyland this summer, I was devastated when she didn't want to wear her big poofy Snow White dress-up like she did last year. I guess it's not that cool anymore. It truly broke my princess mommy heart. Gulp.

She doesn't even look like a 5 & 1/2 year old. I think I'll start doing her hair in pig tails.

The Beatles are the best....EVER!

2008-10-06T12:02:00.001-06:00

Branden and Emilie agree that people who don't think The Beatles rule, are uncool. We agree with the following:

"I work on the principle that it's not possible to take anyone's views on music seriously if they don't like the Beatles. Everything else is a question of personal taste and therefore debatable. But if you don't recognize the Beatles as the twentieth century's most inventive, most influential and most talented composers, you're pretty much admitting that you've rather missed the point of the last hundred years of musical endeavour. Should you fall into that category, I do not condemn neither do I mock. I merely despair and, having despaired, I move on."
...Mark Bastable

Bailout shmailout

2008-10-03T07:54:00.000-06:00

I'm so happy I don't have TV. I can't even get the news and I'm glad. I have enough stress in my life right now without hearing about all the disasters happening...financially and otherwise. Some one tell me why this can't be a reality....
[and I did not write this myself...just something someone sent me]

Here is an interesting approach. Is my math correct?

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a "We Deserve It Dividend".

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bona-fide US Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a "We Deserve It Dividend". Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

* Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.

* Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads

* Put away money for college - it'll be there

* Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

* Buy a new car - create jobs

* Invest in the market - capital drives growth

* Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves

* Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult US Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it . . . instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( "vote buy" ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult US Citizen 18+!!!!

As for AIG -

* Liquidate it.

* Sell off its parts.

* Let American General go back to being American General.

* Sell off the real estate.

* Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.

Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 billion We deserve the "We Deserve It Dividend" more than the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.

And remember, The Family plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5 billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh . . . I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Cancer

2008-10-01T16:40:00.000-06:00

Cancer is really uncool. I feel so grateful that it hasn't stricken my parents or my immediate family. We are so blessed. But I'm sick of it hitting everyone else and therefore spoiling the happy lives and times of those that I love.

Photo woes...

2008-09-24T17:34:00.001-06:00

Oh Internet, I just have to get something off my chest. It's no secret that I've been desperately trying to book more jobs lately. Mainly weddings, since I do live in the wedding capitol of the world and it is the most efficient use of my shooting time. Well, I've never before had to try and land wedding gigs. They've always just fallen into my lap and I was as busy as I wanted to be. But lately, now that I actually need to have an income, there are no weddings for me. And I know why. It's not just because I'm a mediocre photographer. It's because everyone and their uncle who has ever bought a decent SLR digital camera at Costco is now a professional photographer. Five years ago there was a handful of great wedding photographers in this area. I knew or had heard of most of them. We were shooting film, we HAD to know what we were doing! We had to get it right in camera...film was a serious investment. Now, there are HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of wedding photographers around here. Some of them are just plain awful. And some of them are incredible. Some of the incredible ones never even got a degree in photography like yours truly, and that really depresses me. I've been blog-stalking a lot of them lately and it just makes me want to put down my camera forever. It's just so depressing. John Telford was right: Inexpensive, quality digital cameras are the death of serious photography.

Bad Daddy

2008-09-08T22:09:00.000-06:00

The other day (week) when Bdog was home, we were in the front yard playing with Katie and all of her bikes. She has one that is WAY too small for her but she refuses to give it up. Branden decided he was going to be funny and try to ride it. Again, it is WAY too small for tiny, petite ms. Katie. I warned him not to put his weight on the piece of crap, but of course, he ignored my wisdom. He put his full weight on the pedals and every spoke of the front wheel went shattering into millions of pieces. Luckily, Katie's meltdowns are few and far between so we were able to talk her out of really being upset over it. He's lucky he didn't shatter her little-scared-of-the-big-bike heart. Dad's just don't listen.

Not yet...

2008-09-01T18:07:00.000-06:00

Something very uncool has happened over the last few weeks. I've found and pulled out of my head about 40 gray hairs. I know all you dark headed women are saying, "Cry me a river." And it's not the confirmation of being old that bugs me. I accept that. It's just that having blond hair made me think that somehow gray hairs wouldn't show up so much. These buddies weren't just ultra-light, been at the beach all summer blond ones. They are full-on WHITE! Completely devoid of pigment. And I refuse to start the arduous task of coloring or highlighting. I'll just pluck them. Good thing I have hair to spare.

For real??

2008-08-21T17:45:00.000-06:00

While we were in CA this summer, Bdog, Katie and I were all FLABBERGASTED at the amount of blatant-out-the-window-on-the-freeway-in-broad-daylight littering that was going on. I seriously could not believe my eyes. I saw people totally nonchalantly throw cups, papers, wrappers, whatev right out the car window. I thought "Californians seriously have environmental issues!!" Then today, home in UT, we saw the same thing. A cup, purposely dropped out the window onto the street. I just cannot believe people. What are their problems? And don't even get me started on the road rage.

Qwest

2008-08-20T20:30:00.000-06:00

Qwest is the Devil. They make 'mistakes' on purpose just to make more money. Who would have thought I would come back from the wilderness and no internet access, only to have no internet access. And who would have thought it would take 11 days for a company to fix their mistake and get you hooked back up.

75 S

2008-08-14T21:30:00.000-06:00

I am still SICK SICK SICK over what the people who bought our old house did do it.

They took it from this....

TO THIS!!! Wth?

Bat holes

2008-07-26T08:33:00.000-06:00

Here is our most amazing story to date from our little CA paradise. The first day we got there, I noticed quite a bit of rodent droppings on the front porch. I didn't think that was weird since we are out in the "country" with vineyards and orchards and no one had been living in the house for a couple months. So, the next morning I decided to spray off the porch and get things cleaned up a bit.

Next morning, more poo. Lots of it. I had to figure out where it was coming from. I noticed that some of it was actually stuck to the wall, above the window where the walls meet the eaves. So, I began spraying up there. There's about a 1/4 in. opening between the walls and the eaves, so I sprayed some water in there too.

All of the sudden, big, long, furry legs start creeping out of the 1/4 in. crack. I thought they were tarantulas. But then, they started making an unearthly noise and flying toward my head. THEY WERE BATS!!!! I can't even explain the panic that came through me. I dropped the hose, went booking it around to the other side of the house, all the while screaming horrible expletives, and found Branden. I literally ran to him, pulled on his Tshirt and stuck my head under it. While he's wearing it. I totally lost my marbles.

He took me inside then he and Katie went on the porch and enjoyed the site of tons of bats flying out going nuts. They loved it. Meanwhile, I was LITERALLY hyper-ventilating in the house and having a full-on panic attack. I would not come out of the house for a good 3 hours and just couldn't calm down. I even actually said, "If there's alcohol in this house, I'm having some."

Well, the bats didn't come back. I think we destroyed their home for good. The best part of all is when Branden talked to Phil (his cousin's husband...they own the house) he told him, "Dude, you've got a bat infestation." And Phil replied, "Oh! You met the bats! We love them so much. Every night we sit on the grass at dusk and watch them come out. It's our nightly ritual."

Bano-no Boat

2008-07-23T22:09:00.000-06:00

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a total psycho about sun protection. I've been called 'the sunscreen nazi' on numerous occasions. Yesterday I decided to give Banana Boat baby sunscreen a try since it's supposed to be 'as gentle to your eyes as water'. Well, my eyes felt fine while I swam in the ocean, no sunscreen sting....but the sun protection is total CRAP! I totally got burned. And so did my daughter and my little brother. We reapplied 3 times in the course of a couple hours, and we all got fried. And I've heard now from 2 other people that the same thing happened to them using Banana Boat. What the freak. We're totally taking it back.

Top Ten

2008-07-21T22:21:00.000-06:00

Here are the top 10 uncool things from the last couple weeks:

10. Psycho drivers that almost kill you, then give you the bird out their window.
9. Realtors who leave houses unlocked when they leave.
8. Giant spiders that look like scorpions and tarantulas mixed.
7. Lost binkies at the beach when it's nap time.
6. Gas prices.
5. Waking up ready to pick incredible, ripe plums only to find them blown all over the ground and eaten by critters.
4. Neighbor's dogs who bark all night incessantly.
3. Slipping on the wet, tile bathroom floor while trying to save your baby who just slipped on said bathroom floor only to fall into him and kick him 5 more feet across the wet bathroom floor and watch him hit the wall.
2. Bruises on your hand, bum and ribs from wet bathroom floor fiasco.
1. Not having INTERNET ACCESS! Thought I might love it, but can't live without it. It's just not the same as no T.V. or phone. Not having those is lovely.

Time

2008-07-09T08:59:00.000-06:00

I haven't had time to post in over a week. Totally uncool. Gotta get back in the car now.

Today

2008-06-20T21:39:00.001-06:00

The vacuum broke.

There's a 12 in. crack in my windshield.

Someone's photo order was royally messed up/slowed down.

I need a Nikon flash before Sunday.

I have a busy day hangover.

Broke a glass.

Got a cold sore.

Got some overdue bills.

....On a good note...I found my missing box of 250 business cards. Didn't want to lose those lovely, letter-pressed little works of art. But then again...on a bad note...I was thinkin' about cancelling the land-line and just using the cell (that's one of the said overdue bills), but I realized the land-line is printed on the 250 lovely, letter-pressed little works of art. What's a gal to do?

More Lame Moms

2008-06-17T12:06:00.001-06:00

Yesterday we went swimming at our little clubhouse pool. There was a grandpa there that lives in our gate, with his 8 grand kids. Sometimes, all these grand kids can get really annoying...like last night when I saw a 9 yr. oldish girl TOTALLY blow her nose into the pool....but that's not what I'm writing about today.

One of the grand kids at the pool was a little fairy princess aged girl. I'd say she was about 3. Probably a year or so younger than Katie. She had on a too-big swim suit which showed tons of her skin and I could see her MASSIVE racer-back swimsuit shaped SUNBURN. From her shoulders to her neck, I could see grey & brown peeling skin exposing that bright red tender flesh underneath. The peeling areas were DEEP and her skin was still bright red along her arms and legs. All I want to know was, HOW DID HER MOTHER LET THAT HAPPEN? When she got burned, she was clearly in a swimsuit which means she was in a swimming situation. Where was the sunscreen? This little girl was fair with white-blond hair. I seriously felt a wave of nausea come over me when I saw her burns close-up. Could that be considered abuse/neglect? Maybe the dad was in charge when that happened.

Phone

2008-06-13T17:04:00.001-06:00

"No phone, no phone. I just want to be alone today. No phone, no phone."

Here is something that really bothers me: awkward phone conversations. I've found that there are usually two reasons I think a phone conversation is awkward.

1) People call me all the time and unsuccessfully try to shoot the breeze with me when really they're calling for a specific reason. Usually a favor, and that's fine. I have no issues with a call starting with "Hey, hi..how's it going? So, I totally need a favor." For those of you who do that, I applaud you.

2) Some people are just awkward on the phone, thus, an awkward phone conversation ensues. I recently talked in length about this very phenomenon with JUSTIN. We talked about this for a very long time and I was pleased with how long the conversation flowed and how it remained interesting. This was a good example of a non-awkward phone conversation. I love chit-chatting on the phone when time allows, and not all phone calls need a reason, but sometimes people are just bad at the chit-chat and should simply take care of business.

K. Talk to you later. Bye.

Rad Email

2008-06-11T11:34:00.000-06:00

Though this is a totally awesome email, I'm putting it on "The UnCool" since the subject line said "What's not cool". It's from the lovely Alycia P.

"Woman,What is not cool is the fact that it is the 10th and you have not blogged since the 4th- get the lead out- I need a laugh!"

I love it.

They

2008-05-30T09:47:00.000-06:00

It is totally uncool that "they" don't make the following items anymore:

1. Jello Pudding Pops
2. Almay Gel Mascara
3. Carnation Breakfast Bars
4. Lip Lickers (in the tin)
5. Clorox Fresh Fabric Spray
6. Lenito's Rolled Tacos
7. Vegas Chips
8. New Arrested Development Episodes

....hmm...what else have I missed??

No News

2008-05-23T11:09:00.000-06:00

All the Neon Trees news info I posted was wrong. That's lame. Sorry, Internet. And thanks for the inaccurate info, TYLER!

www.lame.com

2008-05-20T22:15:00.000-06:00

Oh Internet, what is your problem? Every time I sit down to get online, I have to unplug and replug the modem multiple times until I get all the right flashing green lights. Get a life, Internet!

When will it end?

2008-05-16T21:33:00.000-06:00

Here are a few highlights from the last 24 hrs:

-Changing the sheets twice because of projectile vomit.
-Returning home to find a completely destroyed, moldy dresser as a result of a leaky humidifier.
-Killing a 2 inch brown spider on my bedroom ceiling.
-Baby boy sleeping, at max, 1.5 hrs. at a time.
-Finding a flood underneath the bathroom sink...yet another leak.
-Contracting said baby boy's diarrhea.

Too much fun for one mom.

Heading Out

2008-05-14T12:10:00.000-06:00

Now I'm going to drive 6 hours alone with my kids. And baby has a stomach virus with major vomiting and diarrhea. So much fun.

UnCool

2008-05-13T11:25:00.000-06:00

Leaving my boyfriend and leaving sunny CA.

Jiffy Goob

2008-05-08T11:53:00.000-06:00

I just went to get an oil change in my car so I could make the trek to CA to see Bdog today. The boy at the Jiffy Lube in Highland was super lame. He literally tried to talk me out of dropping my car off 'cause there was a 30 min. wait. I assured him it was fine because I had some errands to run across the street and had the time. So, he further tried to discourage me by saying I'd probably be back before they even got to my car (there was only one car ahead of me b.t.w.). I couldn't understand why he totally wanted me to leave. It was rude and frustrating since I had to have it done TODAY. So I left it there, and it was ready when I got back. Do they not want customers so they can hang out and play video games or something? So uncool.

Sad & Lonely

2008-05-06T18:07:00.000-06:00

Here are the mates to all the earrings I've lost in just the last few months. I don't know why I have such bad earring Karma. It's very depressing. I love and miss them dearly.

The Red Pony

2008-05-05T10:48:00.000-06:00

I picked this book up last month while I was shopping for used fabric at D.I. It was only $0.25. I'm not sure why I felt like reading it, just thought I'd further explore fiction after my Twilight stint. I know John Steinbeck is like, one of America's great authors, but this book just sucked donkeys. I guess I can say it was well written, but the plot just made me wish I had spent those two hours watching American Idol...something I've NEVER watched in my life.

Not only was I waiting the whole time for some poignant, climactic moment, but I didn't even realize when the book had ENDED!! The story moved on to the dead horse and some lemonade, which I was SURE could not have been the ending. So, I kept reading. Right into Junius Maltby which was included after The Red Pony. I didn't even realize it was an entirely new story. Which by the way, was equally dismal and infuriating. OMG! Has anyone read Junius Maltby??? Perhaps it was because I had just recently re-read Siddhartha and Into the Wild for the umpteenth time, but I really needed a happy ending. Though after Junius, I felt so pleased that my husband is pursuing his career in music. Despite the sacrifice.

More poop complaints...

2008-05-02T16:13:00.000-06:00

On Tuesday night, our family visited two very holy places....Temple Square and Bombay House. While at Bombay, I had to use the changing table in the ladies room to change baby Connor's diaper. For some reason, the changing table was installed DIRECTLY above the big toilet in the large stall. This meant I had to completely straddle the toilet to reach my baby and change him. Oddly, the big tile wall on the north side of this stall is totally bare. Nothing on it, and nothing in front of it. A perfect place for a changing station. My pant legs were touching the yukky part of the loo all the while. I'm still so baffled and so grossed out.

Uncool

2008-04-29T14:05:00.000-06:00

Baby poop on your clean sheets.

Wallpaper

2008-04-25T15:50:00.000-06:00

Here's what was on our kitchen walls when we moved in. Taking this down was both the most enjoyable and miserable experience. To see our kitchen walls now, click HERE.

Lame moms

2008-04-24T12:04:00.000-06:00

The rule at preschool drop-off is this: You are to walk your child up the drive, down the path and around to the back, where you are to take them through the door and deliver them to the teacher. This rule was explained to each parent on the first day of school and sent home on the page of written rules. Yet, every day I see at least 2 moms kicking their kid at the curb and sending them in alone. I know this isn't the biggest deal, but it really, really bugs me. And I'm totally judging those moms now.

Bummed

2008-04-23T14:12:00.001-06:00

I just found out my favorite lotion in the whole wide world, Aveeno Daily Firming Moisturizer, has BHT in it. BHT!! Why on earth???

Lame linguists

2008-04-22T11:36:00.000-06:00

Every year a team of linguists chooses new words to admit into the dictionary. These didn't make it. So uncool.....Crench and phib are my phavorite, 'cause I do them a lot.

sampleton-the person in the picture that comes with a wallet
fruttle-clown feces
ploof-to lose a contact lens in a urinal
crench-to lean against the sink and get your crotch wet
phib-to claim you're awake when someboby calls, even though you've been sleeping
deodritus-the last remaining flakes of deodorant scraped onto your armpit
leonamania-a morbid obsession with Ponce de Leon
pleln-the area between your arm and front yard

Iceberg

2008-04-20T16:19:00.001-06:00

On the way home from the movies Thursday, we made one of the biggest mistakes of our lives. We stopped at the Iceberg off the Thanksgiving Point exit. We only ordered something small, which they got wrong, and it was totally grody. But besides the yuck food, the place was the dirtiest dump we've ever seen. The tables literally had a film of grease on them. I tried to wipe ours off, and the napkin turned black. The weirdest thing was, there were TONS of people there. They must have all been first-time customers. No normal person would ever go twice, would they?